


I Guess you'll Just Disappear

by ObNOXious



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Character Death, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, Ghost Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), I'm Sorry, Post-Canon, Suicide, This Is Sad, only for a few sentences, the rest of the time he is a hallucination, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 05:33:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObNOXious/pseuds/ObNOXious
Summary: Evan never recovered from the events of the Connor project.





	I Guess you'll Just Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> This is saddest thing I've ever wrote. I cried writing it. 
> 
> TW: Suicide, Death,mentions of overdose and blood (If there are anymore let me know)

Evan looked up at the tree, it’s green leaves blew in the wind. To everyone passing buy this tree looked innocent. Just a normal tree but to Evan this tree was not a normal tree. It was the one that caused his life to go to shit last year.

It was August 16th, exactly a year since Connor killed himself. Evan couldn’t believe how much worse his life got in one year. Even after the disaster with the Murphys and The Connor Project was over his life didn’t get any better. He was constantly haunted by how much he hurt everyone close to him. Somehow his anxiety managed to get worse in that time. Now every little thing would worry him to the point of a panic attack. The Connor project somewhat fell apart once Evan left, but now it’s very known and visited. Evan knew Alana and Jared were responsible for it staying afloat. Tomorrow they were running an event in honor of Connor. Evan found out how to time a post to be posted at a specific time, so he typed this long post about how his friendship was Connor was fake and timed it to post on The Connor Project page during the event. Both Alana and Jared were doing good unlike Evan. Alana got into Harvard unsurprisingly. Jared became a popular Youtuber. He posted a lot of bath bomb reviews and let’s plays. Evan tried watching one of his videos but had to stop as it made him think of how much of a burden he was . Jared got into some collage where he was getting a degree in something computer related . Evan only knew this through his mom as both Jared and Alana haven’t even spoken a word to him. After Evan left the Connor Project everyone else forgot Evan even existed. Leaving Evan waving through a window again.

Evan yet again looked at the tree. He chose this tree for another reason, Connor’s body was found beneath that tree. He started to climb the tall tree quickly. Before Evan knew he was going to try again, he knew he had to climb higher to not make the same mistake of last time. Evan knew by tomorrow he would be gone. He would no longer be a burden to anyone he knows. As he climbed higher he felt a numbness he hasn’t felt in a while. He welcomed the numbness with open arms. Evan was now higher than he was last time. He won't fail this time. He found a large branch towards the top. He sat on a large branch and let out a sob. He just remembered his mom. What would happen to her once he was gone? Evan was the only thing she had left, but he was too much of a burden to her. She has enough to deal with money wise. Her job payed little and she was still going to school. In addition to that she has to deal with Evan’s medication and therapy. Also why would she be proud of her son that panicked at every little thing.

Evan looked up at the blue sky, it looked like it goes on for forever. Evan let out another sob after thinking about the first dinner with the Murphys. For the longest time Evan sat there sobbing. When he ran out of tears he heard a laugh. A laugh of someone Evan never wanted to hear or see again. Connor Murphy all of a sudden appeared next to Evan. A smile on his pale face. He was in the same gray hoodie black jeans and combat boots Evan saw him in. The fact he was floating like a ghost was definitely not normal.

“I guess you finally snapped. I knew it would happen soon.” Connor laughed again.

He hasn’t seen Connor since he told the Murphys the truth. Why did Connor show up now.

“ Wh-why are you here.”

Connor looked into Evan’s eyes “I’m not real Evan. I’m a part of your mind. I never left and I can’t leave.”

Evan could not look at Connor, well fake Connor.

“ On the topic of not leaving, would anyone remember you once you’re gone? Jared and Alana might. Oh wait you’re nothing to them.I guess you’ll just disappear. Flicker out, fade away. Ironic isn’t it. I mean this entire thing is a giant circle.You’re ending the mess you made at the tree that helped cause it, “ Fake Connor somehow got Evan’s note from his pocket,” your note is set up like the letter I took, and you’re talking to me. Not to mention the fact it’s the day I killed myself under this tree. Though you already know that. ”

Evan started to sob again. He wanted fake Connor to stop talking to him. He wanted everything to stop more than anything. Evan moved closer and closer to the edge of the branch. When he was by the edge he pushed off of the branch, fake Connor was now gone. Evan was now falling. Unlike last summer he didn’t fear the fall. Evan felt like he was falling for an eternity, he just wanted it to be over. He hit the ground hard. Evan felt the worse pain he’s ever felt in his life but it gave way to numbness quickly.

Evan survived the fall but knew it would be over soon as he could only move his eyes. He looked towards the trunk of the tree and saw Connor. He was in the clothes Evan saw him in the first day instead of a gray hoodie. His shirt and vest were covered in blood and vomit. His hair was messier, he was paler and the shadows under his eyes were much darker. He looked at Evan clearly shocked. The shocked soon faded, replaced with anger. He flipped Evan off as he faded away. Evan knew that was the real Connor under that tree, in the same spot he overdosed and slit his wrist a year ago. The Connor who started this mess. Fake Connor was right this was a giant circle. Evan looked up at the blue of the sky.

It looked beautiful. It looked like it could go on _for forever_. Evan smiled at those two words as everything went black.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story! I saw the show on Thursday so it was a lot easier to write.   
> The cast was perfect, the set was really well designed, and everything else was amazing! I nearly cried which is rare to happen when it comes to musicals. My brother even enjoyed it even though he doesn't admit it.   
> Anyways I want to continue the story but I'm not sure how, so let me know if you have any ideas.


End file.
